Opinion: "The Nature of Failure and Rejection"

In the realms of game design and writing, the journey is often fraught with challenges, setbacks, and the specter of failure. In my own journey, I have faced a litany of failure and rejection, especially in academia. Creators pour their hearts and souls into their projects, only to face rejection from publishers, critics, teachers, family, or even their own expectations. In my life, academia has been the greatest proponent of failure from a young age. In America, we are groomed to either join the system or perish and nowhere is this more relevant than in schooling. In higher education, I have now failed a total of six classes due to both medical difficulties and personal struggles to succeed. I have tried everything under the sun to make this failure feel plausible or acceptable, but nothing helps the dread and sinking devastation of seeing that F on my college transcript or a scathing letter from a professor on doing better next time. Does this define me? Do my failures set the stage for who I am, or is it my successes, or neither?

Failure is an inherent part of the creative process. In both game design and writing, the road to success is rarely linear. So, I ruminated for a while, steeping in my frustrations over my latest failure, and created a culmination of my thoughts on the nature of failure itself and its causes.

• Failure is Spectacular: Thomas Edison made 2,774 attempts to create a light bulb filament that would glow in a vacuum when electricity was passed. He made a breakthrough in October 1879 with a bulb that used a platinum filament, and in the summer of 1880 hit on carbonized bamboo as a viable alternative for the filament, which proved to be the key to a long-lasting and affordable light bulb. The story that Edison failed 10,000 times to refine the light bulb is a myth, but how are 2,774 attempts any less spectacular? Failure in and of itself is something spectacular, both positively and negatively.

• Failure is Non-Linear, in that it isn't black or white, oranges or apples, good or bad, and is a process that takes hills and valleys to overcome. There is no magic button or equation to make everything go smoothly, for progress to take a linear path to greatness. No, instead, failure is like a promise: Keep failing, and eventually, you will pierce through the mold of hubris that made you believe one try was enough. We must ride the hills and valleys of failure to deliver us to our breakthrough moment. That delivers me to another point:

• Failure is Necessary: It is with a heavy heart that I impart to you that failure must be necessary for the pursuit of change and growth, no matter how painful that process is. Just like Edison, we must embrace our failures as stepping stones for success. But is this so easy to accomplish and accept? No. In fact, it is the most impossible of lessons for me to learn. I can say that failure is spectacular and non-linear and necessary, but do I believe it? No. Yet, I must believe it in order to grow.

Similarly, rejection is a common experience for writers and game designers alike. It can manifest in various forms, from a publisher's rejection letter to negative reviews or a lack of player engagement. The impact of rejection can be profound, and yet, nowhere else is it any less meaningful than in creative pursuits. Emotional tolls are high in the realm of rejection and its cohorts, taking our bodies and minds and grinding them to dust under the heel of rejection.

When I was about seven years old, I was in love with ice skating. I would take lessons my mother would come to and skate across the ice like I was flying through choppy clouds, inelegant and fun. However, every time I fell, I would give up, crossing my arms and crying hysterically from the most recent failure of my limbs and brain to produce adequate results. Was it 2,774 times before I stopped crying on the fall? Either way, I remember it well, the triumph of standing after a defeat for the first time. Maybe that's what it's all about, reader. Maybe it's not about acceptance or success, but rather, it is about getting back up and proving to ourselves that we can do it. What is more satisfying than being true to yourself?

I can go on and on about the ways that rejection can also be good, how the final strike of success amidst a myriad of failures and rejections can be heavenly, but I won't pretend to not understand the pain. We as creatives pour everything we are into our craft. My musical theatre teacher in high school put it best: creativity is like wearing a raincoat on a stage where you are wearing nothing underneath and must fling off the raincoat in front of thousands to stand in the nude. Strange metaphor, I know, but doesn't that fit? Aren't creative pursuits like being in the nude, exposing at the highest order, revealing our very chest cavity to showcase our beating hearts on full display? Oh, to be fearless in that regard, to sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching. It is easier said than done, I'm afraid.

This essay isn't to show you how to overcome failure or rejection, but rather a commentary on how essential they are, and how pivotal the moment of success amongst the dirt and gravel can be. If I can show you just a glimpse of the hope on the other side of it all, of the profound success of finding yourself within failure and rejection, then I have succeeded at last. Maybe then, I'll be able to pass a class. Maybe then, I'll be able to move forward. Have I succeeded or have I failed? That's for you to decide.